Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i think my cat just said my name.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
