after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
