Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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