I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
