so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
