I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
