I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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