i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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