This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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