I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need moral support for this bender
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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