You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
