I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize