Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
