Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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