Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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