I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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