lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
