I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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