My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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