Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
