I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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