I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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