I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
