do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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