Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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