I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
