Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize