I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
