I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
