It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Farmville is her only friend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
