sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
