there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
