I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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