So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
