I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
