her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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