Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
