just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
