if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I bet he comes in French.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
