did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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