i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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