Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
