I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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