So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
