I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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