Who wears a wallet chain?!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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