he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
