Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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