Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
