I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
