So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize