What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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