Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
