no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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