Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
