Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
