You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize