I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
