You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
