We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
