the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
